What Does it Mean?
by Kataryanna
Summary: Jack Frost is the Guardian of Fun. He loves to start snowball fights and give a particular bunny a rather hard time. What happens when the king of fun starts to have second thoughts about Fun, following a tragic incident. He should have been more careful, maybe she would still be here. Rated T Because I am not sure what's coming.
1. The Meeting

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rise of the Guardians  
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It was all my fault. Maybe if I had been more careful, or _responsible_. That's Bunny's favorite word, _responsible_. Now I know why he puts it in such high standard. Maybe having fun all the time isn't in everyone's best interest. It certainly wasn't for her. Sure, she was laughing and smiling at the time, but all those happy expressions crumbled into dust when her head met the ground.

I was just trying to improve someone's day. She needed to know, despite her age, that life doesn't have to always be so serious. I guess she _was _trying to set herself up for a good life. Working toward a career doesn't allow for fun. Another person who understood what it meant to be _responsible._

She would have been fine, if I hadn't stepped in. I should have been _responsible._ The worst part is I created the very thing that ended her existence. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Stupid, incompetent, fool, idiot, murderer. Murderer. Is that what I am? A murderer?

"Oi! Snap out of it Frostbite!" Bunny speaks in his thick Australian accent, rapping me on the head with a golden boomerang.

Secretly, I am extremely thankful to that kangaroo for bringing me out of my dark thoughts. Apparently dwelling on the past is not good for one's health. To show my immense gratitude, I glare at him with ice cold eyes. In response he shrugged his triangularly designed shoulders in annoyance.

We were at North's place in the gigantic room that displays the Globe of Believers. Lately, it seems I've had less of those. Maybe I'm distracted. There I go again. Rambling on and on about my emotional problems. Great, now I sound like an old man losing his mental capacities. Anyway…

We, The Guardians of Childhood, arranged for a monthly meeting after the Pitch incident during which we discuss anything peculiar or exciting that's happened during the lapse of time between meetings. This particular meeting is during spring along America's east coast. I really hate spring. Bunny, supported by North, has made it immensely clear that any freak snowstorms out of season "Will NOT Be Tolerated." It's extremely difficult, anyhow, to produce even a light dusting in such a warm climate.

"So, Jack. How are things in your neck of the woods?" The Russian lilt of North asks.

"Eh, ya know. So, so," I say slowly, careful not to reveal too much about what's on my mind lately. "No sign of Pitch. My believers have been down recently, but no big deal. Um, let's see," I continue tapping my chin thoughtfully. "Yesterday, I started a snowball fight in Greenland. Last week I started a blizzard in the Northern part of Canada. Fifteen days ago, I went sledding with penguins -or tried to—in the South Pole. And the day after our last meeting I decided to let Antarctica get a little soggy." I've always liked to mess with the treehuggers.

"Mmmmhhhh," Muses North. "Is there any particular reason you've been less active? Or why your believers have decreased?"

Becoming defensive I respond "Well it is _spring_ in half of the United States. You all know how much I despise spring and summer. My fun is restricted to an unbearable level." I exaggerate, obviously to egg on Bunny. Get it? Egg? Oh, I crack myself up. Get it? Crack? I slay myself. Get it? Wait there's nothing to get. Fantastic! First I start questioning having fun and now my jokes are dropping like flies. I really need to have some fun, for myself.

Too bad there's no one my age that's immortal. Sure kids are great, but I want a bit more of a sophisticated palate to banter with. Most teens don't believe in any of us, so I'm kind of at a loss to solve that particular predicament. North, Bunny, Tooth, and Sandy all seem too old for me. Tooth's close, but she has almost 200 years on me. She is more like my closest friend. I can always talk to her, about anything. She doesn't judge. Just listens.

North looks torn between laughing and scolding. I smirk at his confused emotions and my eyes sparkle for a moment, but only for a moment. Eventually he just moves on and addresses the group.

"So, if nothing is left to be said," he trails off and pauses for effect. "This meeting is adjourned."

Bunny immediately stomps the ground and jumps into the hole that appears. Is he ever not in a rush? Sandy, after quickly saluting us, disappears to give happy dreams to the children of China. Tooth flits over to me, worry evident in her fuchsia eyes.

"What?"

"You look troubled."

"So?"

"We both know that's not like you."

"And?"

Her face turns a bright purple with exasperation. She sticks a finger in my direction. She is about to explode in one of those outbursts only possible with the Tooth Fairy. So, I head her off.

"Is there a reason for this interrogation?"

She deflates.

"It's just that during these past few years you seem to have gone somber. Like life isn't fun anymore. Well, you _are_ fun. That's your center. Remember?" She thwacks me on the head with the heel of her hand for emphasis.

"Really? First Bunny and now you. What does a guy have to do to avoid bashes to the head?"

Her lips twitch upward, before settling into a slight frown. She peers at me queerly, like she's trying to peer into my soul and determine what's really going on. I haven't told anyone about that girl and her last happy moment. Not even Tooth. It's hard enough living it day in and day out, in my own head.

"Ok… I guess I'll go make sure my girls have everything in hand. But Jack, if you need anything come find me. Please? I don't like seeing you so unhappy. You might hide it well from everyone else, but not me."

"Tooth!" I call just as she's about to fly out of the window. She stops and looks at me. "Thanks."

She smiles at me before leaving the magical workshop of Santa Clause. Speaking of which, where'd he get to? I suppose it was only like 200 days until Christmas, but geez the man needs a holiday. There I go again pushing people to have fun, when they are obviously happy.

"Maybe he's in his office." I whisper to myself.

Instead of flying I trudge in the direction that I think the jolly man ought to be.

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**This is my first fanfic. Please tell me what you think. Should I change anything? Should I continue writing it? Also please tell me if there are any plot, spelling or grammar problems. It only takes a few seconds to review!**

**~Kataryanna**


	2. Home

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rise of the Guardians**

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Despite my preoccupied mind, I end up outside of North's workshop. I guess I've visited so much since I became a guardian that I practically know this place like the back of my staff. At least that's what I'm going to assume, because I barely know I'm wandering around the workshop.

Instead of barging in like I normally do, I rap the tune of Winter Wonderland on the humongous door.

"What do you want?" Snarls the large Russian man on the other side of the door. "I told you not to," he slams the door open. I quirk an eyebrow at him "Oh, Jack!" He quickly pats me on the back, losing his rage. "I thought you left with Tooth."

"I thought I'd stick around for a bit. You need me to do anything?"

"What?"

"Oh, nevermind. I see you're busy." I turn away and start my wanderings anew.

"Wait Jack!"

"Just forget it."

With that I summon up some wind. "Take me home," I whisper to my longest friend.

As the wind bounces me along my mind starts to amble down a dark rode of thought. The same thoughts have been resurfacing for months now. I can't escape them. Just like the image of those eyes sparkling with laughter, going dark. She haunts every moment of my life, if you haven't figured that out yet. I just can't shake her. Just when I think things are going back to normal she pokes her face back into my vision.

Because of those crystal eyes my world has been turned upside down, and I don't even know her name. Then images of daring stunts flash into my mind. Like the time I sent Jamie flying into a statue. What if he had broken his neck instead of just losing a tooth? Sure that particular incident made it possible for me to be believed in, but still. Or that girl, Hanna, in Canada. She might have frozen to death if her parents hadn't realized the igloo I whipped up was about to collapse. Even the creation of what I am almost resulted in another death by my hands. I pushed Sophie to go ice skating. If I hadn't thought fast enough she would have died and I would have felt like this the rest of my life. Of course I wouldn't be alive now though.

It turns out my death was a side effect of _fun._ I'm beginning to hate that word. _Fun._ What's it good for? All it does is steal the safety that responsibility provides. Maybe safety is the price of Fun. Is it worth it to have fun if it could mean your death?

"No!" I scream. I cannot think like this. I am going to run myself into a hole, afraid of my own shadow. Afraid that I might hurt everyone and everything I try to bring a little excitement to. So now I'm afraid. Afraid of myself. That girl with the crystal eyes and platinum hair would still be alive if I hadn't existed. Maybe things were better when no one believed in me. I disgust myself. I guess cold and fear _are_ a great combination.

I land on the branch of a tree that overlooks my pond. The place where it all started. You'd think it would have been destroyed or eroded away, but no. My beginning is still alive just like I am. I wonder if this place would still be here if I died. Wait a sec. I'm immortal. I can't die. So, I guess that means my little sanctuary will be here forever too. At least that's the theory.

I look at the pond sadly, lost in thought. My home, a cave, catches my eye. Sure the walls are cold and the ground is hard, but I am winter and leaves and pine needles easily soften the floor.

A sigh escapes my lips. I jump down from the branch and create a bank of snow to land in. That trick used to fire me up to the point I would crow at the clouds. Not anymore. I'm just going through the motions, now. Every time a smile tugs at my lips her face is there, mocking me.

"Go away!" I scream. The words echo back at me. Maybe I should go away. "It was an accident!" I yell to clouds. My feet trip over a loose root and my face smashes into the ground. I sit up and stare without seeing, as blood drips from my temple.

Crash goes her head. Crunch goes her skull. Her lights go out. Laughter sounds in my ears and I think everything is normal once again, but then screams replace them. Her family's cries of torment do not stop. They fill my soul. I can't keep it in or I will surely die. My voice joins theirs.

A cry of pure anguish resounds around me. It will not stop. I can't take it anymore. This pain and torment is something I am not used to. I suck in a breath and the sound ceases. I am covered in snow both white and red. Strange patterns in the fluffy white stuff are all around me. The dark sky is void of all stars, only the moon is visible.

"Why won't you help me?!" I demand of the moon. "Do you get some sick pleasure seeing me suffer?"

Her face swims in my vision again.

"I'm sorry."

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**Please let me know if there is anything I should change or if I should even keep writing this. If it's not good please tell me. Oh and please review! It helps me as a writer and boosts my ego. So if that happens then chapters will be posted soon and then everyone is much happier. Ok? Thanks for your time**

**~Kataryanna**


	3. Who am I?

**Sorry for the wait. I just got horribly busy with school. So here you go.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rise of the Guardians**

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I tried to sleep last night, but—you guessed it—she was there. Dreams are funny things and constantly change both during sleep and in real life. Well I seem to only be having the sort that happens during sleep. Even when I'm awake. Yeah, another unhealthy aspect of my life but at least I'm not doing drugs. Or smoking. Or drinking. Or—what _are _teens into nowadays? Geez I sound like a spokesperson against those undesirable actions parents warn their kids about, that half of them still end up doing. I really don't care what you do with your life. Go ahead try some things. Oh great, now I'm talking to an invisible second person. Keep cool, Jack. Keep cool.

This morning I can't seem to force myself to move. Why am I tired? It's not like I've been overly productive lately. Oh yeah, I haven't slept well in months. Surprisingly, such a seemingly insignificant thing can mean the difference between a good day and a bad day. When was my last good day? More negative thoughts. Maybe if I stopped looking at that old picture of Jamie's I'd be able extricate myself from the floor. Yeah, I've kept it. He was my first believer after all. I can't believe he's almost a senior in college now. I used to be older than him. I bet he doesn't remember me anymore. If I had known how painful it would be to see my believers grow up, I'm not sure I would have tried so hard to be believed in.

Things were simple before Jamie. Things made sense. My only goal in life was to be seen or heard. Then I became a Guardian. Suddenly, I was responsible for a whole group of people, both my fellow Guardians as well all the children of the world. Maybe I was just trying to be something I'm not. Maybe that's the whole problem. I didn't know who or what I was for the longest time, and when I finally had the chance to_ be_ something, after finding out where I came from, I took the first thing I saw. Being a Guardian.

Who knew that I would totally screw it all up? I guess the all knowing Man in the Moon got it wrong. Perhaps, I need to let things play their course. But how long am I supposed to wait to find my place? It's been nearly three hundred years since that fateful night when my sister almost died, because of me. Crystal eyes flash across the childhood scrawls. Stop it, Jack. Where was I? Right.

If I had never found a believer or been given a second life, all thanks to the damn moon, I wouldn't feel like this. I would have died a long time ago. Man, do I wish I could do that. Too bad I'm immortal. Just to sleep and never worry again would be so nice. Not that the world has stopped to consider me or my thoughts, ever. Sure, there was that one span of time when things were looking up, but that was just a cruel joke. That's what I get for letting my guard down.

I sigh loudly. I sigh again and try to force out as much air as possible. It makes me feel weightless. Once more I do this. I am out of breath and oddly exhilarated. This strange sensation gives me the energy to get up off the ground. Maybe today won't be so bad…

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**Sorry for the length. My next chapter will be at least 2,000 words. Keep in mind this might take longer for an update. If you are ok with the short chapters and more frequent updates let me know! Please let me know if I should change anything! Also thank you all so much for your support so far!**

**~Kataryanna**


	4. Memories

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rise of the Guardians**

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Before my mind can wander again, I summon up some faithful wind. A smile or two actually decides to grace my gaunt face. They don't last particularly long. The strange sensation a smile produces disagrees with me. It makes me feel a bit sick and my face starts to hurt almost immediately. At least a wave of grief hasn't threatened to drown me yet. Sure it's always lurking around a snowflake, but for once _her_ eyes are kept at bay.

Until that dreadful moment, I will try to have fun. Maybe. I suppose that depends what the world gives me to work with. My subconscious brings me to a familiar place. Jamie's childhood home looms in front of me. The statue in the middle of town, probably of some dead guy, is the first thing I bother to take notice of. I flit over to the boring fixture that happens to be covering the place my family once called home. Why do people always have to make the world better? Don't they realize it was fine the way it was?

Pushing down my revulsion of the industrialization of the world, I relive that day twelve years ago. When I was actually having what one would call _fun_. Jamie was speeding through the streets much faster than a sled would go during normal circumstances, but this wasn't a normal sledding adventure. He was with Jack Frost, the _coolest_ living, dead guy around. The sled moved left, right, and around impeding obstacles. Jamie's smile practically consumed his face, making him look like a strange alien.

Seeing my charge's unhindered expression of joy had made me bellow out the simple word "Yeah!" at the top of my lungs, even though no one could hear me. Realizing he was about to slam into a snow plow, I quickly changed the direction of his path, which happened to end in a ramp. Through the air he flew, making a perfect silhouette against the sun. (That scene should be in movie or something. Just saying.) Then crash! A cloud of soft white stuff shot into the air, and another "Yeah!" escapes my mouth.

The memories fade, and I am smiling. No, not laughing. Sorry to disappoint, but I am a bit depressed at this specific point in my life. I let Jamie's face take over my mind. That smile was just too innocent, to let it slip away. Boy, to be a kid again. I mean I guess technically I am a kid, but not like that. Now I am gifted with that blessed thing called worry. I can't hold on to his young face forever, though. Jamie's face slowly disperses as I open my eyes.

"Oh yeah, it's _Spring."_ I scowl. My face would probably scare children right now, in all my snowy demonic pleasure. I smirk at that particular thought. Just think, a dashingly handsome winter spirit scaring children out of their… Why does that sound familiar?

I shake my head. I glance at Jamie's landing sight, hoping to revive the pleasant memories. Unfortunately, all I see is Jamie being run over by the snow plow. No! That didn't happen! He is perfectly a' okay.

"He might not have been." A voice both masculine and feminine whispers in my head.

"I made sure he was." I yell indignantly.

"Really?" sneers the voice. "Are you sure you didn't just want to keep the fun going?"

The silence that follows is not missed by me, or this mysterious voice. Was saving Jamie, just some way of making sure his fun didn't die. Did I really care what happened to him, the person? What if he wasn't having fun, would I still have saved him? The reasonable part of my mind says "Would you feel so bad about _her_ death, if saving Jamie was just to satisfy your fun-meter?" While the other half says "Well _her_ death wouldn't have been so tragic if she wasn't laughing as she fell."

_Her_ lifeless eyes are trying to egg their way back into my vision. Before they can consume me, I call up the wind and fly to the college I happen to know Jamie is attending. Maybe he'll help me feel better.

"What happens when he can't hear you?" the voice teases.

"Stop it!" I refuse to think that far ahead. There is still a small chance he will believe, he never stopped believing in Bunny even when his friends did. Maybe…

"He was just a kid, full of innocence. Remember? That was before he started to worry."

"Quiet, you!" I snap.

Jamie's college is just starting to peek through the trees. It is a fancy private college, and is very secluded. I always knew he was smart. Let's see, let's see. He's on what floor? He's in which dorm? The jumble of memories threatening to flood my soul, is making it hard to think straight. First _her_ platinum hair is splayed like a fan, then Jamie's smile as he realizes the Easter Bunny is in fact real, shrieks of laughter and terror drown out all other sounds.

I can't focus on the present. Only when the images decide to give me a brief reprieve, can my muddled mind remember that he is room 207 in the Solstice dorm. When I finally get there I see that the light is dim. Maybe he's studying.

I look in through the window, where trash and various articles of clothing are littering the room. Thankfully he is alone, I can't tell what he is doing. Suddenly, my mouth is dry and I can't speak. What if the voice is right? But, there is still a chance, if slim, that he will remember. His faith might ring true, just like it once did. I take a deep breath, trying to keep every other thought out of my head, trying being the operative word. I raise my hand and knock on the warm glass.

"Jamie!" I call to my first believer.

Jamie raises up off his bed and looks straight into my eyes.

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**Sorry for the delay. School's gotten in the way of writing as has writer's block. Please keep up the support it is so liberating to hear from all of you. Please let me know if I should change anything or if there is an error I need to fix! Also, I want your honest opinions. So, that means if you hate something you tell me. I think I will double space the future chapters to make everything easier to read. Let me know what you think. Thanks!**

**~Kataryanna**


	5. Jamie

**Sorry for the Delay. I've been busy with school and exams and the like. School is now over though, so maybe-I reiterate ****_maybe_****-I'll be able to post more frequently. Thanks for reading.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rise of the Guardians**

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I stop breathing. I guess I don't technically need to breathe in the first place, but in that moment everything freezes. Or at least it seems that way. It would be too much to hope for that Father Time, Sir High and Mighty, would do me any favors.

Jamie just stares, like he's confused. He doesn't say anything. He just watches as if searching for something he can't see. No that's not right, he locked eyes with me. Of course he can see me.

"What's wrong, Jamie?" A beautiful girl with long dark, curly hair sits up and looks at Jamie, concerned. Her eyes are a bright blue that rivals my own. They could not quite match my particular shade of winter, but the brilliance can't be denied. She looks delicate, almost fragile. Maybe she's a model.

"Um, nothing. Thought I heard something."

"It must have been the wind."

"Yeah." He sighs. Then he turns to look at her. A smile creeps across his face. The smile turns devilish as he begins to tickle the unsuspecting brunette. She laughs at his touch and tries to match his attacks, but to no avail. He's obviously stronger than she is. Jamie presses his lips to hers, eliciting a sigh of content from the girl's throat.

"Alice." He breathes before proceeding to kiss her again and again. Giggles try to force their way through their lips. Jamie breaks away and laughs loudly at his charge's childish sounds.

"Oh, James." (James? Since when does he go by James?) With that she pulls him back onto the bed, where he snuggles against her back like a protective shield. He places his head against her collar bone and snakes his arm around her waist. In that position he holds her and kisses her neck, repeatedly.

Everything fuses together. All I see is a kaleidoscope. How stupid am I? How could I possibly think Jamie could see me? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I facepalm after each utterance of the word to emphasize my lack of intelligence. Yes, I know perfectly well that this sort of behavior is considered, well, crazy. However, I do not care at the moment. Maybe, it's okay to be completely and utterly insane once in awhile. Why not really give into the feeling? Why not scream like a wild animal? So I do.

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The horn was perfect. It spiraled in delicate sweeps ,which would please any little girl. The beast attached to the horn rears in delight as sunlight streams through the sparkling ice. My work is almost finished. Just one more scrape, to make the horn sharper. More deadly.

"And…" I trailed off as the blade drew closer to my creation. My tongue curled upward out of my mouth in concentration. Closer. Closer. A little more, and…

_Wham!_

I jerk and plunge the blade directly into the unicorn's heart. For a moment nothing happens. Perhaps I can fix this. Then it shattered into a million little snowflakes, which stayed suspended in the air, decorating my workshop in a winter _wonder_land.

"I thought I told," my voice rises with each word. "all Of You To KNOCK!" I squint my eyes in preparation to deal with my interrupter. Idiotic yetis. Slowly I lift my head from its position. I find a furious Bunny, standing with his muscular arms crossed. I sigh loudly. "What do you want?" Bunny's left eye begins to twitch in anger. A smile finds its way onto my face. "This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain zimniy dukh?"

"Subzero, started a blizzard in Pennsylvania. I thought we made it very clear to him, not to get his bloody nooks into spring."

"He's probably just blowing off some steam. He seemed a bit stressed on Monday. You know, he offered to help me out with things around here. But, when I asked what he meant he took off, like he was confused."

"I don't care what's got his knickers in twist, he needs to shut it down."

"Calm down Bunnymund. There is still three weeks until Easter, there's plenty of time for things to warm up."

All Bunny does is glower, down at me. The giant rabbit probably thinks I always take Jack's side. He's probably right, but who could blame me? The poor kid has lived most of his life alone. Jack has gone through things, none of the other guardians have. He died as a teenager. He didn't know who he was for three hundred years. He was never believed in until ten years ago. None of the rest of us had ever had to experience all of that.

Still, Bunny does have a point. Jack knows he can't start blizzards whenever he wants anymore. Besides, the blizzard could indirectly jeopardize Bunny's believers. Though, I suppose the blizzard could also boost Jack's believers. But Jack has winter, and Bunny has spring.

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to stop it!"

"Fine. Are you coming with me?"

Instead of replying Bunny taps his foot on the ground twice, and suddenly I'm falling through space.

"No, you're coming with _me_."

"Damn you, kenguru!" The words bounce and re-echo through the twisting caverns. I can never keep myself straight when we travel by these blasted tunnels.

"That better not be Russian for kangaroo!"

Thank The Man in the Moon that we surface in Pennsylvania, before my cookies got tossed. Bunny smirks at my expression.

"Feeling okay, old man?"

With squinted eyes I glare at the rabbit.

"That's what I thought." Bunny smiles smugly. "Now let's take care of Jackass."

I give Bunny a look. He just shrugs and I roll my eyes.

"Let's just go."

Together we turn around and face what is supposed to be Allegheny College. Instead, we see a wall of white that refuses entrance onto the campus. We walk towards the whiteness. When we are close enough to enter the storm, I reach out my hand. The swirling snow, heavy and wet, collects in my palm in a matter of seconds. Time to go get Jack.

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**Please rate and review. I need more reviews. I really, really do. Only 13 reviews for 470 views doesn't exactly cut it. Enough of my ranting. Please tell me what you think and let me know if there are any problems. Thank you all for your support.**

**~Kataryanna**


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